footage of a jihadist beheading in class By Jim Shelley for MailOnline
Published: 20:40 GMT, 10 January 2015 | Updated: 09:19 GMT, 12 January 2015The BBC came out with all guns blazing for the new series of The Voice UK, launching it with a bizarre blend of Rita Ora, Kym Marsh’s daughter, a couple of cute teenagers... and the bloke who had played Bungle on Rainbow.
You’d have thought changing the (losing) formula of a show that has become a by-word for an extravagant flop would have been easier.
All it had to do was just copy the X Factor and fix it to make sure the judges put the acts that would receive the most publicity through to the next round. Instead it persisted with the format of ‘blind auditions’, which meant the singers who were rubbish had just as much time as the ones that were good, crawling painfully to the end of their song and rejection.
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Simon Cowell demonstrated years ago, it’s much better (and kinder) for the duds to be cut short.
Yes, The Voice was back for the start of Series Four – which is a sentence a lot of us thought we’d never see.
After all, for three years now the most popular aspect of the show has not been any of the judges or the contestants but the fact the chairs spin round.
The public failed to take mentors like Jessie J and Danny O’Donoghue to their hearts in the way they have Cheryl Cole, Sharon Osbourne, Mel B, and even Louis Walsh. The Voice never has had a lovably hate-worthy figure like Simon Cowell.
People knock the X Factor for producing winners with the quality of Steve Brookstein, Leon Jackson, Matt Cardle, and Ben Haenow but they look like The Beatles compared to the victors of The Voice.
If you can name the three singers to win the previous years of The Voice, I’d be worried more than impressed.
Anyone who remembers Leanne Mitchell, Andrea Begley, and ‘singing Prime Minister’ Jermain Jackson (whose only single peaked in the charts at number 39 – apparently) needs to take up a more stimulating hobby – like knitting, trainspotting, or just walking around for an hour every Saturday evening.
Here are the highs and low from the first episode of Series Four.
HIGHS
1. Rita Ora
Whatever the BBC is paying the fashionable, foxy, young London pop star is a bargain. She brought more natural, likeable, life to proceedings than her predecessors Jessie J and Kylie Minogue put together, although hopefully she will curb the temptation to copy their habit of ostentatiously dancing in her chair.
It was Ora who made the most constructive comments – telling Kym Marsh’s daughter that she needed to stand out more – and the funniest.
‘I hope you choke on your chicken!’ she pouted with fake bitterness to Ricky and his first protĂ©gĂ© Letitia George after she had asked all the judges vying for her approbation which spice they ate chicken with (don’t ask).
‘She’s got her ear to the ground. I mean, I’m not saying I don’t…’ Wilson said about Ora, jokingly but acknowledging at the same time that he doesn’t.
The way she swooned over 17-year-old Ryan Green (‘you’re so handsome!’) and hunky fireman Stevie McCrorie (‘you’re really hot’) was endearingly open.
As for 16-year-old Stephen McLoughlin (who looked about 10), he may have failed to win selection from any of the judges but he did get a note telling him not to give up and a hug from a semi-naked Rita Ora, which was probably preferable.
2. Will.i.am
Better on TV than in his music – Mr. i.am is the perfect TV star - charming, amusing, and unusually unpredictable, particularly compared to any of the judges on the X Factor. He is still the hardest to please and least likely to turn round.
3. Ryan Green
His version of Magic was better than Coldplay’s and clearly destined to go down well with the judges after they had rejected Emily Cunliffe. They needed picking up, explained Ricky Wilson, because this aspect of the show was hard for them to take. Because they’re the ones that matter after all. Never mind what a horrible experience it must be for the contestants they have sent home.
4. Hannah Symons
Things didn’t augur well when the 28 year-old confessed that she had been the vocalist on One Big Family by Templecloud, a song made popular by featuring in an ad for KFC years ago.
‘One minute you’re hot news, the next minute you’re yesterday’s news,’ she claimed, optimistically. Her version of a hit she had co-written with Rudimental was surprisingly good though.
5. Stevie McCrorie
A good-looking fireman with tattoos and a cute two year-old baby daughter that he ‘loved to bits’, Stevie had all the trump cards for a singing contest like The Voice. Oh, and he could sing too. Why he chose Ricky Wilson as his mentor over Rita Ora after she had given him a massage and panted ‘you excite me – music-wise. If we were together, we would set fire to the stage and you wouldn’t need to put it out’, will haunt grown men to their graves.
DOWNS
1. The ordeal suffered by Kym Marsh’s daughter
Emily Cunliffe’s version of Clarity was painfully dull and strained - actually lacking in clarity - and clearly crippled by nerves and the expectation of who she was, or rather who her mother was.
‘I don’t want to be known as just Kym’s daughter,’ she said naively, even as she based her VT around it.
‘I’ve got a good feeling about this,’ beamed Rita Ora expectantly. I didn’t. All the signs of imminent disaster were there beforehand.
‘My mum always says I am so much better than she was at her age,’ Emily smiled.
Inevitably, she was so ordinary it was obvious poor Emily was only on the show because of the publicity her mum would bring the show. You can be sure the X Factor would have contrived a way to keep her in.
2. The opening song
They are all unmistakably talented but the sight of Tom Jones, Will.i.am, Rita Ora, and Ricky Wilson performing in a kind of hellish, hallucinogenic, supergroup was excruciating. As for the choice of Ready To Go to start the show and launch the series, surely the producers can be more imaginative and less literal than that.
3. The judges telling the acts they should have turned round for them
Not only do the worst acts get to sing all of their song, the judges spend just as long on them as the successful, talented, contestants – if not longer. Not only is this illogical, it’s not remotely entertaining.
Their fawning apologies are embarrassing.
‘I never said why I didn’t turn round – it’s because I’m a bit of an idiot,’ crawled Ricky Wilson. Later he groveled: ‘As auditions go, that was pretty much the cleverest one all day, because you just got better and better and better.’ None of which explains why he didn’t select them for his team. Unless he’s just lying to their faces of course.
‘I made a mistake here,’ Tom Jones said gravely. ‘I think you’re a great singer, I was almost there. I’m so sorry I didn’t press my button.’
‘I’m kind of bummed that no one turned,’ stuttered Will. ‘This part sucks – having to tell an awesome singer why you didn’t turn.’
At least he had the style to turn it into something amusing.
‘I just got a brainmail – from myself,’ he told young Stephen Mcloughlin. ‘It says ‘I should’ve turned. I’m now called Will.i.shouldhaveturned.’
4. Tom Jones
Time it took before a clip of the Welsh legend singing It’s Not Unusual: 20 seconds. The great man is still struggling to tell whether the singers are male or female.
‘I was expecting a woman,’ he told teenager Stephen Mcloughlin, which just sounded like force of habit.
Tom Jones was clearly ALWAYS expecting a woman.
5. The Voice of Bungle
Paul Cullinan’s rendition of Mustang Sally was dreadful, putting no soul into it but basically just shouting his way through it like a bad performance on the karaoke. He would have lasted 10 seconds on the X Factor, which would’ve been a mercy to us all.
‘I used to do Rainbow. I was Bungle,’ he mentioned – several times, something many of us would do our best to cover up. As modern claims to fame go, this was so tenuous it’s just a wonder he’s not in Celebrity Big Brother.
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